[CCWG-ACCT] Sidley Comments on Executive Summary Draft

[Seun Ojedeji]

I also think a professional editor may be helpful. At the same time, a
writer who does not have a background of happenings may not help much. If
there are professional writers within ICANN staff or within the CCWG then
that could help better.

I for one would like to emphasis the importance of making sure the
effective summary communicates to folks who have not been following the
process. Diagrams that explain processes/mechanisms will be really helpful.

Finally, executive summary should indeed be a summary and should avoid too
much details.

Regards

Sent from my Asus Zenfone2
Kindly excuse brevity and typos.
On 11 Nov 2015 08:08, "Greg Shatan" <gregshatanipc at gmail.com> wrote:

> I think it needs a thorough edit from professional editors.  After all,
> even Hemingway wasn't Hemingway without Maxwell Perkins (apologies for
> culturally-specific and slightly archaic reference).
>
> Other than that, I agree with Sidley's comments in their email and to the
> extent I've tried to review them, their comments.
>
> On Tue, Nov 10, 2015 at 6:37 PM, Gregory, Holly <holly.gregory at sidley.com>
> wrote:
>
>> Dear Co-Chairs and CCWG,
>>
>>
>>
>> Attached please find Sidley’s comments on the draft Executive Summary.
>> Given the very short window for review we have not had time to coordinate
>>  our comments with the Adler firm  and apologize for that.  Adler will be
>> sending their comments separately.  Please note also that given the very
>> short time frame we have not been able to go back and check against the
>> transcripts of the various meetings and therefore are relying on memory for
>> our understanding of where the CCWG has formed consensus (or near
>> consensus) on various issues.
>>
>>
>>
>> Overall we find the Executive Summary overly long with significant
>> redundancies.  We think it would benefit from  a thorough edit by your
>> professional writers.  We also believe that the summary is inaccurate in
>> its description of the community processes with respect to the decisions
>> to:  (1) remove individual directors and (2) approve Fundamental Bylaws.
>> (We agree with Jordan’s comments on the Fundamental Bylaws.) We also
>> recommend that a more pointed discussion of the CWG dependencies be added
>> so that the reader can understand the broader context in which the Proposal
>> has been developed.  We have also edited errors in the description of the
>> legal framework that applies.  We have noted these comments in the draft.
>>
>>
>>
>> Please let us know if you would like to discuss or if we can be of
>> further assistance with this draft.
>>
>>
>>
>> Kind regards,
>>
>> Holly
>>
>>
>>
>> *HOLLY* *J. GREGORY*
>> Partner and Co-Chair
>> Corporate Governance & Executive Compensation Practice Group
>>
>> *Sidley Austin LLP*
>> 787 Seventh Avenue
>> New York, NY 10019
>> +1 212 839 5853
>> holly.gregory at sidley.com
>> www.sidley.com
>>
>> [image: http://www.sidley.com/files/upload/signatures/SA-autosig.png]
>> <http://www.sidley.com/> *SIDLEY AUSTIN LLP*
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
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