[atrt2] [atrt2-coordination] Demi's recommended edits
Olivier MJ Crepin-Leblond
ocl at gih.com
Mon Jul 1 07:47:17 UTC 2013
I'm ok with the document apart from formatting (justified is better) and
also there does not appear to be any sections describing proposed
**deliverables* nor access to the Consultant Team when the report is
published. Do they send in the report by email? Do they travel to an
ICANN meeting in person to present it? These details change the cost.
On 01/07/2013 04:38, Alan Greenberg wrote:
> Thanks to Avri for incorporating the suggestions to date. I think that
> all have been included except for Demi's last suggestion of adding the
> task of identifying comparable MS processes. I tried adding that, but
> it made for a very awkward sentence, and it is already implied, since
> the comparison cannot be done without first identifying what to
> compare to (thanks to Avri for pointing that out).
> I did some punctuation cleanup, and have one other suggestion for a
> change, removing the word "encouraging" from "...whether the PDP
> process could be strengthened by encouraging the submission of views
> and advice from the GAC whether the PDP process could be strengthened
> by encouraging the submission of views and advice from the GAC..."
> since it is not the encouraging that would not change anything, but
> the actual submission. That change is redlined in the version attached.
> Larisa has also made some administrative changes.
> Unless I hear anything further (about that last changes or anything
> else in the RFP), I will send give staff the go-ahead to issue the RFP
> at 16:00 UTC on Monday (9 am PST and 2 hours after the end of our call
> with the CSG).
> At 30/06/2013 05:51 PM, Avri Doria wrote:
>> I move one bullet, but could not come up with wording for his
>> Identify clause.
>> Seems like one would have to identify them before benchmarking
>> against them.
>> On 30 Jun 2013, at 12:41, Avri Doria wrote:
>> > Hi,
>> > Anyone want to take them on?
>> > If so, may I pass the editor token to you?
>> > avri
>> > _______________________________________________
>> > atrt2-coordination mailing list
>> > atrt2-coordination at icann.org
>> > https://mm.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/atrt2-coordination
>> atrt2-coordination mailing list
>> atrt2-coordination at icann.org
> atrt2 mailing list
> atrt2 at icann.org
Olivier MJ Crépin-Leblond, PhD
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