[Ccwg-auctionproceeds] For your review - updated version of draft Initial Report

Tue Sep 25 22:30:38 UTC 2018

I agree with the approach Daniel shared with us. Mostly of my points lies on the same aspect: on how readable is the text and specially for foreign readers; how understandable the text becomes if it is not so friendly, regarding references. ( the going back and forward looking for the questions generates distraction that for foreign people makes more difficult to understand.)
References easily accessible when you are reading certainly makes it comprehensible and the reading productive.
As the text itself , from my view , represents correctly what we have agreed during our work. For that we need thank Marika and staff team.
 Best regards  

Vanda Scartezini
Polo Consultores Associados
Av. Paulista 1159, cj 1004
01311-200- Sao Paulo, SP, Brazil
Land Line: +55 11 3266.6253
Mobile: + 55 11 98181.1464 
Sorry for any typos. 

On 9/23/18, 15:31, "Ccwg-auctionproceeds on behalf of Erika Mann" <ccwg-auctionproceeds-bounces at icann.org on behalf of erika at erikamann.com> wrote:

    Dear Kavouss -

    Thank you for sending us your first impression. 

    Wishing you a good week!
    Erika 

    Sent from my iPhone

    > On Sep 22, 2018, at 9:39 AM, Arasteh <kavouss.arasteh at gmail.com> wrote:
    > 
    > Dear Marika,
    > Dear Erika 
    > Tks again fir your hard works assisting and serving two important groups CCWG Auction and EPDP Temp. Spec .on GPDR
    > I am half way through the initial draft . Apart from Rec. 2 Thai I have not found here , there are very minor grammatical edits to be done
    > Regards
    > Kavouss 
    > 
    > Sent from my iPhone
    > 
    >> On 22 Sep 2018, at 13:33, Daniel Dardailler <danield at w3.org> wrote:
    >> 
    >> Thanks Marika (and the other editors)
    >> 
    >> Some more comments, more on the form.
    >> 
    >> * Given we've changed Preamble section into Guidance.. (good), we need to update all the references to this section that are still using the word preamble, e.g. "The CCWG recommends that the preamble (see Annex D) ". There are a few of those.
    >> 
    >> 
    >> * It would greatly help readers whenever we mention the Question numbers, if we provided some kind of summary of the question purpose as bubble help, or at least a link to the question text found below in the document.
    >> 
    >> e.g.
    >> "Implementation guidance in relation to charter _question #1_"
    >> 
    >> would have the text
    >>  "Q1: what framework for the disbursement of Auction funds ?"
    >> 
    >> appearing when moving the mouse over it, and/or a link to the full question text in the Background section.
    >> 
    >> * In general, whenever we use a reference, ala "See Section X", I find it kind of offending to the reader that the document doesn't give a link to the said section (I used to promote using HTML vs Word in open working groups, I'm passed that crisis ;) but at least we should use hyperlinks when it makes sense, now that Word supports them)
    >> 
    >> * There are a lot of occurrences of the word "implementation" in the report, and this is confusing because they don't always mean the same thing or use the same full name, e.g. Implementation phase, Implementation Process, Implementation guidance, etc.
    >> 
    >> I think we need to have a section called "Implementation Phase", which introduces what it is (as described already in 1.4, maybe with more details), and we need to point at it whenever we refer to it (with a link). And stick to that name.
    >> 
    >> e.g instead of
    >> Implementation guidance in relation to charter question #2: The CCWG recommends that the preamble (see Annex D) and list of example projects (see Annex E) are considered during the implementation process.
    >> 
    >> we should use
    >> Guidance for the _Implementation Phase_ in relation to charter _Question #2_: The CCWG recommends that the section on "Guidance for proposal review and Selection" (see _Annex D_) and list of example projects (see _Annex E_) are considered during the _Implementation Phase_.
    >> 
    >> This way, it will also be much easier to list all the things that we expect the Implementation Phase to do.
    >> 
    >> * The second diagram in Annex C is really too small to read, and since it's an image, can't really be zoomed in easily. We should provide real text, not pixels, and probably cut the figure in 2 pieces. For those 2 pictures, we should give a description in plain text (for accessibility reasons at least).
    >> 
    >> 
    >> 
    >>> On 2018-09-21 01:16, Marika Konings wrote:
    >>> Dear All,
    >>> Following today’s new gTLD Auction Proceeds CCWG meeting, please find
    >>> attached an updated version of the draft Initial Report in which
    >>> updates have been made (in redline) to reflect the deliberations and
    >>> agreement on how to move forward on the outstanding items that were
    >>> identified. In addition, staff has added language for the executive
    >>> summary, based on the current contents of the report. To facilitate
    >>> your review, previous redlines were accepted (for those wanting to
    >>> review the previous version, please see
    >>> https://community.icann.org/x/twiNBQ). Please share with the mailing
    >>> list by Monday 1 October at the latest whether there are any further
    >>> issues or edits that need to be discussed. Based on the feedback
    >>> received, the leadership team will decide whether or not to go ahead
    >>> with the meeting on 4 October. As a reminder, the objective is to
    >>> publish the Initial Report for public comment by 8 October at the
    >>> latest.
    >>> Best regards,
    >>> Emily, Joke and Marika
    >>> Marika Konings
    >>> Vice President, Policy Development Support – GNSO, Internet
    >>> Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN)
    >>> Email: marika.konings at icann.org<mailto:marika.konings at icann.org>
    >>> Follow the GNSO via Twitter @ICANN_GNSO
    >>> Find out more about the GNSO by taking our interactive
    >>> courses<http://learn.icann.org/courses/gnso> and visiting the GNSO
    >>> Newcomer
    >>> pages<http://gnso.icann.org/sites/gnso.icann.org/files/gnso/presentations/policy-efforts.htm#newcomers>.
    >>> _______________________________________________
    >>> Ccwg-auctionproceeds mailing list
    >>> Ccwg-auctionproceeds at icann.org
    >>> https://mm.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/ccwg-auctionproceeds
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