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<p class="MsoNormal"><a name="_MailEndCompose"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:windowtext">Attached is a revised draft, as requested. Red-line and comments are turned on.<o:p></o:p></span></a></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark:_MailEndCompose"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:windowtext"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark:_MailEndCompose"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:windowtext">The first paragraph now quotes from the WG’s charter. The last draft paraphrased, which left out relevant sections
of the WG’s mission. (Quoting from source docs can help us avoid omissions, scope creep, etc.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark:_MailEndCompose"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:windowtext"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark:_MailEndCompose"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:windowtext">A question: the last draft said “Members of the global population of end-users, whether they are individuals, organizations,
companies, or other groups, may fall into either camp depending on circumstances.”
<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark:_MailEndCompose"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:windowtext">What are the two camps being referred to, and what are we trying to say with this sentence? It does not seem to
be about anonymous registrants in the preceding sentence, otherwise we’d say “registrants” rather than “end-users.” Are we trying to say that there is a wide range of end-users and they may have various views on the issues depending on their use cases and
circumstances? <o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark:_MailEndCompose"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:windowtext"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark:_MailEndCompose"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:windowtext">All best,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark:_MailEndCompose"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:windowtext">--Greg<o:p></o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark:_MailEndCompose"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:windowtext"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bookmark:_MailEndCompose"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:windowtext"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p>
<span style="mso-bookmark:_MailEndCompose"></span>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:windowtext">From:</span></b><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:windowtext"> Gomes, Chuck [mailto:cgomes@verisign.com]
<br>
<b>Sent:</b> Wednesday, August 17, 2016 12:25 PM<br>
<b>To:</b> Sam Lanfranco <sam@lanfranco.net>; Ayden Férdeline <icann@ferdeline.com>; Greg Aaron <gca@icginc.com><br>
<b>Cc:</b> RDS PDP WG <gnso-rds-pdp-wg@icann.org><br>
<b>Subject:</b> RE: [gnso-rds-pdp-wg] For WG Review - Redlined Problem Statement<o:p></o:p></span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:#1F497D">Hopefully, Greg will consider Sam’s comments in creating a new redline version along with any other comments that might be submitted before he creates it.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:#1F497D"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:#1F497D">Greg – If you are unable to create a new redline, please let me know and I will ensure that it gets done. The advantage of you doing it is that you get to make
the calls regarding how your comments are applied as well as how to apply comments from others.<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:#1F497D"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:#1F497D">Chuck<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;color:#1F497D"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:windowtext">From:</span></b><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:windowtext">
</span><a href="mailto:gnso-rds-pdp-wg-bounces@icann.org"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif">gnso-rds-pdp-wg-bounces@icann.org</span></a><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:windowtext"> [</span><a href="mailto:gnso-rds-pdp-wg-bounces@icann.org"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif">mailto:gnso-rds-pdp-wg-bounces@icann.org</span></a><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Tahoma",sans-serif;color:windowtext">]
<b>On Behalf Of </b>Sam Lanfranco<br>
<b>Sent:</b> Wednesday, August 17, 2016 11:59 AM<br>
<b>To:</b> Ayden Férdeline; Greg Aaron<br>
<b>Cc:</b> RDS PDP WG<br>
<b>Subject:</b> Re: [gnso-rds-pdp-wg] For WG Review - Redlined Problem Statement<o:p></o:p></span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:12.0pt">I want to quibble a bit about wording here.
<br>
<br>
First, we normally think of "Consumers" as "end-users" so adding end-users may be redundant.
<br>
<br>
Second, vested interest is normally taken to mean "a personal stake or involvement" in something like an undertaking (e.g. policy making) or state of affairs (e.g. policy implementation), or something with an expectation of financial gain. Those who are stakeholders
have, by definition, a vested interest. I don't like the proposed wording around "claim to". If there is a claim issue here, it is whether or not one qualifies as a stakeholder,. It is not whether or not stakeholders have a vested interest.
<br>
<br>
Sam L., NPOC/CSIH<o:p></o:p></p>
<div>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>On 8/17/2016 11:00 AM, Ayden Férdeline wrote:</i><o:p></o:p></p>
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<blockquote style="margin-top:5.0pt;margin-bottom:5.0pt">
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<p class="MsoNormal"><i>Hi Greg,</i><o:p></o:p></p>
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<div>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i><br>
Thank you for taking the time to suggest these revisions. I would like to respectfully submit that we maintain, in the first paragraph, the reference to the "ever-evolving global Internet."</i><o:p></o:p></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><i>With regards to the second paragraph, you suggested: “Consumers, the domain name industry, governments, intellectual property owners, registrants, and a variety of other stakeholders all have a vested interest in an RDS system…”
</i><o:p></o:p></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
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<div>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>A fairer framing would be: “Consumers, the domain name industry, governments, intellectual property owners, registrants,
<b><u>end-users</u>,</b> and a variety of other stakeholders <b><u>claim to</u></b> have a vested interest in an RDS system…”</i><o:p></o:p></p>
</div>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><i>Text is underlined and in bold solely for legibility purposes. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns regarding this alteration.</i><o:p></o:p></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><i>Best wishes,</i><o:p></o:p></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
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<div>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>Ayden Férdeline</i><o:p></o:p></p>
</div>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://www.linkedin.com/in/ferdeline" title="http://www.linkedin.com/in/ferdeline"><i>linkedin.com/in/ferdeline</i></a><o:p></o:p></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
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<blockquote style="margin-top:5.0pt;margin-bottom:5.0pt">
<div>
<p class="MsoNormal">-------- Original Message --------<o:p></o:p></p>
</div>
<div>
<p class="MsoNormal">Subject: Re: [gnso-rds-pdp-wg] For WG Review - Redlined Problem Statement<o:p></o:p></p>
</div>
<div>
<p class="MsoNormal">Local Time: August 17, 2016 3:45 PM<o:p></o:p></p>
</div>
<div>
<p class="MsoNormal">UTC Time: August 17, 2016 2:45 PM<o:p></o:p></p>
</div>
<div>
<p class="MsoNormal">From: <a href="mailto:gca@icginc.com">gca@icginc.com</a><o:p></o:p></p>
</div>
<div>
<p class="MsoNormal">To: <a href="mailto:lisa@corecom.com,gnso-rds-pdp-wg@icann.org">
lisa@corecom.com,gnso-rds-pdp-wg@icann.org</a><o:p></o:p></p>
</div>
<div>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
</div>
<div>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif">Thanks to the drafting team. My comments are as follows.</span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif">First paragraph: the addition of “(domain name)” does not help, and makes the sentence more confusing.</span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif">First paragraph: as per the meeting notes, “ever-evolving global Internet” is probably not necessary.
(And divining the future is difficult.)</span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif">Top of second paragraph: Add the words “a variety of other stakeholders’” so as to read: “Consumers,
the domain name industry, governments, intellectual property owners, registrants, and a variety of other stakeholders all have a vested interest in an RDS system…” The current list in the draft is not comprehensive, and other stakeholders have been identified
by our WG, the EWG, etc. We cannot imply that the current list is authoritative or complete.</span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif">Second paragraph: “performant” is not a defined word in the English language; it’s more software
developer slang. In a document like this, I suggest we use words that are well-defined and our global audience can rely upon. I think we are trying to say: “performs well”.</span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif">Third paragraph: rather than “constituency” I think we mean and should use “set of stakeholders.”
“Stakeholders” ties back to the text above. And at ICANN, “constituency” has a specific meaning and we want to avoid confusion with that.
</span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif">Third paragraph: Regarding this section: “This understanding will enable the Working Group to
ensure the policies which enable an effective RDS also define a secure and safe environment for commerce and communication.” This formulation seems overly broad. While security, abuse, and privacy are considerations, a “safe environment for commerce and
communication” on the Internet is much broader than those, and involves far more than registration data.
</span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif">So, what are drafters aiming at here, and can a reasonable scope and intent be expressed? I wonder
if that sentence is needed at all.</span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif">Third paragraph: “within the RDS”. Do you mean “that uses the RDS”? “Within the RDS” implies
being embedded somehow. As always, use of the term “system” can be confusing if not defined on context, since sometimes in this WG “system” refers to a technical system (like an ARDS) and sometimes “system” refers to the wider ecosystem of interlocking policies
and technical implementations.</span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif">With best wishes,</span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif">--Greg</span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"><span class="size"><b><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif">From:</span></b></span><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif">
</span></span><a href="mailto:gnso-rds-pdp-wg-bounces@icann.org"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif">gnso-rds-pdp-wg-bounces@icann.org</span></a><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif">
[</span></span><a href="mailto:gnso-rds-pdp-wg-bounces@icann.org"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif">mailto:gnso-rds-pdp-wg-bounces@icann.org</span></a><span class="size"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif">]
<b>On Behalf Of </b>Lisa Phifer</span></span><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif"><br>
<span class="size"><b>Sent:</b> Wednesday, August 17, 2016 2:35 AM</span><br>
<span class="size"><b>To:</b> RDS PDP WG </span></span><a href="mailto:gnso-rds-pdp-wg@icann.org"><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif"><gnso-rds-pdp-wg@icann.org></span></a><span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif"><br>
<span class="size"><b>Subject:</b> [gnso-rds-pdp-wg] For WG Review - Redlined Problem Statement</span></span><o:p></o:p></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto"> <o:p></o:p></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal">Dear all,<o:p></o:p></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal">Attached please find a redlined version of the problem statement produced by the drafting team for WG review. This redline includes edits discussed during today's WG call.<o:p></o:p></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><b><i>Action item</i></b><i>: WG to review redline version of the problem statement and share any further comments/edits with the mailing list ahead of next week's meeting.
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</i>Thank you to the drafting team for their work, and to all WG members for reviewing the attached redline with the goal of finalizing this statement on the next WG call.<o:p></o:p></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal">Best,<o:p></o:p></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal">Lisa<o:p></o:p></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p>
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<pre>_______________________________________________<o:p></o:p></pre>
<pre>gnso-rds-pdp-wg mailing list<o:p></o:p></pre>
<pre><a href="mailto:gnso-rds-pdp-wg@icann.org">gnso-rds-pdp-wg@icann.org</a><o:p></o:p></pre>
<pre><a href="https://mm.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/gnso-rds-pdp-wg">https://mm.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/gnso-rds-pdp-wg</a><o:p></o:p></pre>
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<pre>-- <o:p></o:p></pre>
<pre>------------------------------------------------<o:p></o:p></pre>
<pre>"It is a disgrace to be rich and honoured<o:p></o:p></pre>
<pre>in an unjust state" -Confucius<o:p></o:p></pre>
<pre> <span style="font-family:"MS Gothic"">邦有道，</span><span style="font-family:MingLiU">贫且贱焉，耻也。邦无道，富且贵焉，耻也</span><o:p></o:p></pre>
<pre>------------------------------------------------<o:p></o:p></pre>
<pre>Dr Sam Lanfranco (Prof Emeritus & Senior Scholar)<o:p></o:p></pre>
<pre>Econ, York U., Toronto, Ontario, CANADA - M3J 1P3<o:p></o:p></pre>
<pre>email: <a href="mailto:Lanfran@Yorku.ca">Lanfran@Yorku.ca</a> Skype: slanfranco<o:p></o:p></pre>
<pre>blog: <a href="http://samlanfranco.blogspot.com">http://samlanfranco.blogspot.com</a><o:p></o:p></pre>
<pre>Phone: +1 613-476-0429 cell: +1 416-816-2852<o:p></o:p></pre>
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