[RDS-WHOIS2-RT-Leadership_Staff] Executive Summary

[Alan Greenberg]

Thanks Lisa,

I'll see what I can do to address those concerns, 
but I am traveling at the moment and it cannot be until Sunday evening at best.

Alan


At 11/08/2018 09:43 AM, Lisa Phifer wrote:
>Hi Alan,
>
>In terms of general comments, overall I think 
>this covers the right ground and is well-organized.
>
>I think you need an opening paragraph that 
>states briefly what the report is and it's 
>status (request for public comment), before launching in on background.
>
>I would trim the non-RDS background to a single 
>paragraph, to increase focus on RDS. Any 
>background presented here should also appear in 
>the body of the report, so you may have comments 
>on the corresponding section of the report.
>
>Under methodology, consider touching on how the 
>team was formed (organizations represented), and 
>the required transparency of the review process?
>
>Under summary findings, I suggest noting in the 
>opening paragraph that the full text of 
>recommendations offered by the review team 
>appears in the table that follows, and then 
>giving your brief summaries, to ensure that the 
>recommendations made by the review team remain the key-takeaway.
>
>Under review conclusions, I suggest indicating 
>the status of the recommendations, inviting 
>public comment on them, noting that webinars and 
>a session will be held at ICANN63 to dialog with 
>the community, and that the team will take 
>on-board that feedback before finalizing its 
>recommendations and offering them to the ICANN 
>Board. In other words, next steps and how the 
>community can contribute. This paragraph will of 
>course evolve as the report is finalized.
>
>This feedback reflects my own personal 
>impressions on first read, and I have tried to 
>focus my thoughts on organization/completeness, 
>not the substance of the executive summary. I 
>hope you find this feedback helpful.
>
>Best, Lisa
>
>
>
>At 11:29 PM 8/10/2018, Susan Kawaguchi wrote:
>>Thanks Alan, this draft looks good.  I think 
>>it accomplishes the intent of an executive 
>>summary and preps the reader for the full report.Â
>>I did not find anything to edit. Â
>>
>>On Thu, Aug 9, 2018 at 9:15 PM, Alan Greenberg 
>><<mailto:alan.greenberg at mcgill.ca>alan.greenberg at mcgill.ca > wrote:
>>Hi Susan, sorry this took so long! Have at it.
>>Lisa, although I would like to have Susan do a 
>>pass, if you have any general comments you 
>>think we should be aware of, feel free to chime in.
>>Alan
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