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<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Hi All,<br>
I wanted to share a running stream of edits as I review the
full document:</p>
<ol>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">- I like it. I think all the
elements are there!</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">- We need to consolidate in
interesting ways. </p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">- We need a flow --- a rearranged
order to lay out a very clear picture of our work, research and
analysis for new and older readers</p>
</ol>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Specific ideas</p>
<ol>
<li>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Too many Definitions. I brought
“5) WHOIS PARTICIPANTS: Data Producers; Data Controllers; Data
Processors” into the Policy chapter and put it in a table.
Recommendation: this section from the Definitions.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Remove Scope of Work, Section 7,
as a section covering the same definitions above.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Relocate the Consumer Study to a
later chapter, complete with its definitions (please see
below). It deserves a home all its own, not stuck at the
bottom of the Scope of Work Chapter.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Start a new page for every new
chapter.</p>
</li>
<li>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">After Policy Chapter, keep the
Compliance Chapter (as compliance flows from Policy).</p>
</li>
<li>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">After Policy Chapter, consider
placing the IDN chapter. IDN issues are closely related to
policy and compliance – it's an existing policy issue
complicated by translations and transcription problems.</p>
</li>
</ol>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Then I would enter the “Study Part of
the Report.” Is Existing Policy serving the Legitimate Needs of LE
and promoting consumer trust? Here I would recommend: </p>
<ol start="7">
<li>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">A Law Enforcement Chapter: with a
write-up of Sharon's Law Enforcement study and its findings.
Am I missing it within the text? </p>
</li>
<li>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Include in LE Chapter the sections
of Peter's current Gap Analysis extensively discussing input
from Law Enforcement. </p>
</li>
<li>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">A Consumer Trust Chapter
(following the order of the AOC, LE then CT), and include the
full text of Lynn and Sharon's writeup right up including its
Definitions.</p>
</li>
</ol>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Now the Gap Analysis Part of the
Report</p>
<ol start="10">
<li>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Here Peter's Gap Analysis could
flow. It already shows us how, based on all the above, we
still have gaps, problems, concerns, etc. </p>
<ol>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">a. I like using the additional
facts, discussions, Constituency thoughts, written comments,
etc., to share insights and information. Could this be a bit
more streamlined?</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">b. Perhaps subtitles, some
already there, can help readers track our gap analysis with
the Recommendations that we wrote, e.g., proxy/privacy.
Perhaps some Compliance and Policy Gap Analysis too (briefly
to be inclusive). </p>
</ol>
</li>
</ol>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Appendices:</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> Should my Methodology section hit
the
trash can?<br>
</p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Best and take care,<br>
Kathy<br>
</p>
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