[atrt2] [atrt2-coordination] Demi's recommended edits

Alan Greenberg alan.greenberg at mcgill.ca
Mon Jul 1 02:38:29 UTC 2013


Thanks to Avri for incorporating the suggestions to date. I think 
that all have been included except for Demi's last suggestion of 
adding the task of identifying comparable MS processes. I tried 
adding that, but it made for a very awkward sentence, and it is 
already implied, since the comparison cannot be done without first 
identifying what to compare to (thanks to Avri for pointing that out).

I did some punctuation cleanup, and have one other suggestion for a 
change, removing the word "encouraging" from "...whether the PDP 
process could be strengthened by encouraging the submission of views 
and advice from the GAC whether the PDP process could be strengthened 
by encouraging the submission of views and advice from the GAC..." 
since it is not the encouraging that would not change anything, but 
the actual submission. That change is redlined in the version attached.

Larisa has also made some administrative changes.

Unless I hear anything further (about that last changes or anything 
else in the RFP), I will send give staff the go-ahead to issue the 
RFP at 16:00 UTC on Monday (9 am PST and 2 hours after the end of our 
call with the CSG).

Alan

At 30/06/2013 05:51 PM, Avri Doria wrote:
>I move one bullet, but could not come up with wording for his 
>Identify clause.
>Seems like one would have to identify them before benchmarking against them.
>
>avri
>
>
>
>
>On 30 Jun 2013, at 12:41, Avri Doria wrote:
>
> > Hi,
> >
> > Anyone want to take them on?
> >
> > If so, may I pass the editor token to you?
> >
> > avri
> >
> > _______________________________________________
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> > atrt2-coordination at icann.org
> > 
> <https://mm.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/atrt2-coordination>https://mm.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/atrt2-coordination
> >
>
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