[CWG-Stewardship] Transition Proposal v.3 -- Edits due on Sunday at 23:59 UTC

Jonathan Robinson jrobinson at afilias.info
Sun Jun 7 21:57:48 UTC 2015

I chose to layer my edits onto Chuck's redline. 

That way, staff have a single document that contains both.


I trust that this is helpful.


Thank you to everyone for hard work and a comprehensive proposal which  has




From: Gomes, Chuck [mailto:cgomes at verisign.com] 
Sent: 06 June 2015 01:15
To: Grace Abuhamad; cwg-stewardship at icann.org
Subject: Re: [CWG-Stewardship] Transition Proposal v.3 -- Edits due on
Sunday at 23:59 UTC


My input on Proposal v.3 is highlighted in the attached file.  Note in all
cases where I suggested edits I also entered a comment except in one
footnote where I made a very minor edit and Word wouldn't let me insert a




From: cwg-stewardship-bounces at icann.org
[mailto:cwg-stewardship-bounces at icann.org] On Behalf Of Grace Abuhamad
Sent: Friday, June 05, 2015 12:07 AM
To: cwg-stewardship at icann.org
Subject: [CWG-Stewardship] Transition Proposal v.3 -- Edits due on Sunday at
23:59 UTC


Dear all, 


Attached is the updated proposal. This version includes the edits listed
below. Your comments are requested and welcome until Sunday 23:59 UTC. If
you don't have time to read the whole proposal, I've highlighted specific
areas in the document that require feedback. 


Areas that require feedback: 

*	Paragraph 164 (p.32): needs text
*	Paragraph 172 (p.34): DT-F to confirm edit
*	Section IV edits should be reviewed by CWG (Andrew perhaps?)
*	Section VI edits should be reviewed by CWG (Avri perhaps?) 
*	Footnote (p.65): DT-N to respond to Sidley about status of footnote
*	Page 73: DT-C to confirm response to Sidley comment
*	Page 80: DT-M to review footnote
*	Page 81: DT-M/DT-C to comment on Sidley note 
*	Paragraph 389 (p.92): DT-N/SR/X to define "Review Team Liaison" per
Sidley's comment
*	Page 111 & 112: Bernard to address Sidley comments

Edits included in version 3: 

*	All the comments & edits from Greg, Avri, Sidley, Lise and Andrew. 
*	The following items from today's call: 

*	Paragraph 123 has been reviewed to be internally consistent 
*	Paragraph 141: adjusted text around CCWG-Accountability structure
*	Paragraph 167: removed sentence 
*	Paragraph 170: Removed the word "multistakholder" and use
'customer-based' instead)
*	 Added footnote to paragraph 169 about .INT (footnote is also in
Annex to section II)
*	Paragraph 275: fixed composition of IFRT (and also fixed this in
SCWG composition)
*	Annex S: Added disclaimer about term sheet

*	DT C Charter updates (see Section III and Annex G)
*	Section IV edits
*	Section VI edits

As you know, we had a technical glitch with document versions right before
the call yesterday. In recovering the version, there were a lot of
formatting changes that had to be done. I have attached version 2.5 (the
in-between version) so that you have it, but please note that version 3 is
the version to work off of.  There are still lots of formatting fixes in
version 3, but we will work on these over the weekend and on Monday. 


We are almost there!


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