[gnso-rds-pdp-wg] For WG Review - Redlined Problem Statement

Wed Aug 17 15:58:48 UTC 2016

I want to quibble a bit about wording here.

First, we normally think of "Consumers" as "end-users" so adding 
end-users may be redundant.

Second, vested interest is normally taken to mean "a personal stake or 
involvement" in something like an undertaking (e.g. policy making) or 
state of affairs (e.g. policy implementation), or something with an 
expectation of financial gain. Those who are stakeholders have, by 
definition, a vested interest. I don't like the proposed wording around 
"claim to". If there is a claim issue here, it is whether or not one 
qualifies as a stakeholder,. It is not whether or not stakeholders have 
a vested interest.

Sam L., NPOC/CSIH

/On 8/17/2016 11:00 AM, Ayden Férdeline wrote://
/
> /Hi Greg,//
> /
> /
> //Thank you for taking the time to suggest these revisions. I would 
> like to respectfully submit that we maintain, in the first paragraph, 
> the reference to the "ever-evolving global Internet."/
> /
> /
> /With regards to the second paragraph, you suggested: “Consumers, the 
> domain name industry, governments, intellectual property owners, 
> registrants, and a variety of other stakeholders all have a vested 
> interest in an RDS system…” //
> /
> /
> /
> /A fairer framing would be: “Consumers, the domain name industry, 
> governments, intellectual property owners, registrants, 
> //*_end-users_,*// and a variety of other stakeholders //*_claim 
> to_*//have a vested interest in an RDS system…”//
> /
> /
> /
> /Text is underlined and in bold solely for legibility purposes. Please 
> let me know if you have any questions or concerns regarding this 
> alteration./
> /
> /
> /Best wishes,/
> /
> /
> /Ayden Férdeline//
> /
> /linkedin.com/in/ferdeline <http://www.linkedin.com/in/ferdeline>/
>
>> -------- Original Message --------
>> Subject: Re: [gnso-rds-pdp-wg] For WG Review - Redlined Problem Statement
>> Local Time: August 17, 2016 3:45 PM
>> UTC Time: August 17, 2016 2:45 PM
>> From: gca at icginc.com
>> To: lisa at corecom.com,gnso-rds-pdp-wg at icann.org
>>
>>
>> Thanks to the drafting team.  My comments are as follows.
>>
>>
>> First paragraph: the addition of “(domain name)” does not help, and 
>> makes the sentence more confusing.
>>
>>
>> First paragraph: as per the meeting notes, “ever-evolving global 
>> Internet” is probably not necessary. (And divining the future is 
>> difficult.)
>>
>>
>> Top of second paragraph: Add the words “a variety of other 
>> stakeholders’” so as to read: “Consumers, the domain name industry, 
>> governments, intellectual property owners, registrants, and a variety 
>> of  other stakeholders all have a vested interest in an RDS system…”  
>> The current list in the draft is not comprehensive, and other 
>> stakeholders have been identified by our WG, the EWG, etc.  We cannot 
>> imply that the current list is authoritative or complete.
>>
>>
>> Second paragraph: “performant” is not a defined word in the English 
>> language; it’s more software developer slang.  In a document like 
>> this, I suggest we use  words that are well-defined and our global 
>> audience can rely upon.  I think we are trying to say: “performs well”.
>>
>>
>> Third paragraph: rather than “constituency” I think we mean and 
>> should use “set of stakeholders.”  “Stakeholders” ties back to the 
>> text above.  And at ICANN, “constituency” has a specific meaning and 
>> we want to avoid confusion with that.
>>
>>
>> Third paragraph: Regarding this section: “This understanding will 
>> enable the Working Group to ensure the policies which enable an 
>> effective RDS also define a secure and safe environment for commerce 
>> and communication.”  This formulation seems overly broad.  While 
>> security, abuse, and privacy are considerations, a “safe environment 
>> for commerce and communication” on the Internet is much broader than 
>> those, and involves far more than registration data.
>>
>> So, what are drafters aiming at here, and can a reasonable scope and 
>> intent be expressed?  I wonder if that sentence is needed at all.
>>
>>
>> Third paragraph: “within the RDS”.  Do you mean “that uses the RDS”? 
>> “Within the RDS” implies being embedded somehow.  As always, use of 
>> the term “system” can be confusing if not defined on context, since 
>> sometimes in this WG “system” refers to a technical system (like an 
>> ARDS) and sometimes “system” refers to the wider ecosystem of 
>> interlocking policies and technical implementations.
>>
>>
>> With best wishes,
>>
>> --Greg
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> *From:*gnso-rds-pdp-wg-bounces at icann.org 
>> [mailto:gnso-rds-pdp-wg-bounces at icann.org] *On Behalf Of *Lisa Phifer
>> *Sent:* Wednesday, August 17, 2016 2:35 AM
>> *To:* RDS PDP WG <gnso-rds-pdp-wg at icann.org>
>> *Subject:* [gnso-rds-pdp-wg] For WG Review - Redlined Problem Statement
>>
>>
>> Dear all,
>>
>> Attached please find a redlined version of the problem statement 
>> produced by the drafting team for WG review. This redline includes 
>> edits discussed during today's WG call.
>>
>> */Action item/*/: WG to review redline version of the problem 
>> statement and share any further comments/edits with the mailing list 
>> ahead of next week's meeting.
>>
>> /Thank you to the drafting team for their work, and to all WG members 
>> for reviewing the attached redline with the goal of finalizing this 
>> statement on the next WG call.
>>
>> Best,
>> Lisa
>>
>
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> gnso-rds-pdp-wg mailing list
> gnso-rds-pdp-wg at icann.org
> https://mm.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/gnso-rds-pdp-wg

-- 
------------------------------------------------
"It is a disgrace to be rich and honoured
in an unjust state" -Confucius
  邦有道，贫且贱焉，耻也。邦无道，富且贵焉，耻也
------------------------------------------------
Dr Sam Lanfranco (Prof Emeritus & Senior Scholar)
Econ, York U., Toronto, Ontario, CANADA - M3J 1P3
email: Lanfran at Yorku.ca   Skype: slanfranco
blog:  http://samlanfranco.blogspot.com
Phone: +1 613-476-0429 cell: +1 416-816-2852

-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://mm.icann.org/pipermail/gnso-rds-pdp-wg/attachments/20160817/9d9cac61/attachment.html>