[gnso-rds-pdp-wg] For your review - updated RDS Statement of Purpose

[Gomes, Chuck]

Thanks Rob for contributing to our discussion.   I inserted some questions after Rob's comments to help us discuss them as a group.

All - please see and respond to my comments below.

Chuck

-----Original Message-----
From: gnso-rds-pdp-wg-bounces at icann.org [mailto:gnso-rds-pdp-wg-bounces at icann.org] On Behalf Of Rob Golding
Sent: Thursday, September 29, 2016 12:10 AM
To: gnso-rds-pdp-wg at icann.org
Subject: Re: [gnso-rds-pdp-wg] For your review - updated RDS Statement of Purpose

#1

>> purpose of gTLD registration data is to provide information

provide seems to be the wrong word, although I'm unsure if store/manage/maintain/record/define are any better
[Chuck Gomes] Does anyone, including Rob, have a suggested edit in this regard?

>> about the lifecycle of a domain name (as specified by ICANN’s Diagram 
>> of gTLD Lifecycle) to enable management of a domain name 
>> registration.

I'm struggling with "to enable management of a domain name registration"
maybe "enable" should be "assist with"
[Chuck Gomes] Does anyone object to this suggested edit or have an alternative one to deal with Rob's concern?


#2

>> purpose of a system to collect, maintain, and provide access to gTLD 
>> Registration Data (hereafter referred to as “the RDS”) is to provide 
>> information that is

^ we've already defined it as a systems to "collect, maintain and provide" so the extra "provide" here should probably be "handle" or "manage"
[Chuck Gomes] Do members support changing 'to provide information'?  If so, which option do you prefer: 1) 'to handle information'; 2) 'to manage information'; 3) some other word?

>> needed by authorized parties to operate a generic top-level domain 
>> name in the DNS.

^ RDS isn't needed to operate a domain in the DNS

perhaps "to operate a generic top-level domain name in the DNS." should just be "regarding a gTLD"
[Chuck Gomes] Does anyone object to this edit or have an alternative suggestion?

Rob
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